Confidence Chats - pt 1
Welcome to everyone's favorite series, Confidence Chats (did you just say with Nikki and Thor in your head, because I did!) ! I started this series on my instagram and its quickly become my most popular segment to date!
If you've been around for even a minute, you know my greatest purpose in life, and on line, is to help women live more confidently! I do this through teaching style, hair and makeup, body acceptance, confidence chats, and soon to be life coaching!
Here on the blog I am going to share my most popular confidence chats, as well as NEW chats that you won't ever see on instagram! But to kick off the series here, I wanted to share one of my last chats from Season 1 of confidence chats that I like to call "The Door".
Before I share it, I want you to see these testimonies from REAL women, just like you, after they heard this practice for the first time. It truly is life changing, so buckle up!
Here is the practice:
I want you to go to a room by yourself, and I want you to find a door in that room, any door will work. I want you to sit where you can see that door and I want you to visualize 6 year old you walking through it. Picture what she looks like. How is her hair styled, what is she wearing. Get a real visualization.
(this is 6 year old Nikki, in case you were wondering!)
Next, I want you to tell her all of the terrible things you say about your self, but say them TO her, "You're ugly", "I hate you", "You're disgusting", "You're so fat", "You're not smart", etc.
It doesn't feel good does it? Why does it feel gross to say this to a 6 year old, but not to yourself? She's you! I know what you're saying to me right now through your screen, "But Nikki, she's just a little kid, she hasn't done anything wrong, she doesn't deserve that!" You're right, she doesn't! And neither do you! You haven't done anything wrong!
The simple fact is, we live in a world that tells us if we don't look like a super model, we don't make over 6 figures a year, or we aren't married or don't have kids that we are disgusting failure monsters that are stupid!
It wasn't you that implanted those thoughts. It was the world around you. It could have been one of your parents, a sibling or other family members, a boss, a teacher, a stranger you passed on the street, an even a friend. The problem is, it doesn't matter where it came from, it still impacted you.
So how do we move on and stop the negative self talk? Well first, every time it comes up, I want you to pull up that visual of 6 year old you again. There is a reason I wanted you to see her so vividly - you're going to spend a lot of time together in this healing process. Next, I want you to tell her you don't think that thought about her and you aren't going to think it about you either. You have GOT to stop the thought before it even comes out of your mind.
Next, you can journal or even just spend some time thinking about it, but I want you to go back in your life and try to remember where those thoughts started. Write it down, realize it isn't your internal voice making shit up, it was an external source. Whether it was another person, or an AD on TV, it's not currently being effected at all about you feeling this way towards yourself. It's only effecting you. Claim your space back as the ruler of your thoughts and tell this thought is has no right to be in your head anymore.
And finally, give yourself some grace. We will fall and fail. We will have weak moments, try not to beat yourself up, but remember all journeys worth taking have their bumps in the road. Pick yourself back up and move on, don't let a little bump in the road throw your entire journey to self acceptance off.